Saturday, May 31, 2014

Mysterious ‘Hidden Cash’ Appears In Canoga Park

By Ingomar Schoenborn, Quilt staff


The person or persons behind the “Twitter” account @HiddenCash currently taking the West Coast by storm has hit Canoga Park. 

Early this morning, Twitter messages, or tweets, began broadcasting across the World Wide Web leading Canoga Parkians young and old on a merry chase - the likes of which not seen in Southern California since 1963 at Santa Rosita State Park - as they tried to decipher the clues that would lead them to the envelopes containing Arby's coupons, legal tender and equivalent to cash within Canoga Park proper.

The first came at 6:35 a.m.:

A flurry of Twitter activity ensued, with local followers trying to figure out what the enigmatic message meant. Twitter user @TopangaFunyun69 wrote "WTF man??? What note? Backwards how?" while @NordhoffDude69 tweeted "I don't get it. Where am I supposed to park my trailer to get the money? More info please!!!!" A few dozen tweets from similarly confused would-be treasure hunters followed before the mysterious benefactor offered up another clue at 9:48 a.m.

Unfortunately, the additional information did not prove as helpful as the anonymous philanthropist might have hoped. Within seconds, hundreds of replies appeared, showing that those in search of the envelope crammed with cash were still very much in the dark. 

"Spell much? It's 'eaten' not 'eton.' Dumbass. So where's the money?" tweeted @BrosB4Vose. @PartheniumPrincess chimed in with "Seriously, WTF? Do I look like f_cking Velma from @Scooby Doo? Where my money at, bitch???" while moments later @Xposedplaya69 tweeted "TOO HARD!!! Where it at???? Tell me or I'm-a f_ck you up." 

Meanwhile Twitter user @WyandotteDude69, transfixed not by the promise of riches but rather by the inexplicably long tweet, posted "Must be nice to be part of the #OnePercent where MONEY buys you 71 additional characters on Twitter. #Asshole."

It was 11:38 a.m. and hundreds of frustrated replies from followers later before the Twitter universe, or Twitterverse, heard from the cash dropper again:

A rare Twitter silence fell over @Hidden Cash's Canoga Park followers as they worked hard, wracking their brains to solve the latest riddle. But ultimately it was @LanarkParkWeed4U who successfully put the puzzle pieces together first and at 2:44 p.m. tweeted "Figured it out, losers - Eton Ave & Osborne St. Don't waste your time - I'm there!!!!"

But it was just a little too late:  the money had been found only six minutes before, according to the time stamp on a tweet from @RadekMurta69: "F_ckeeng found a wad of $$$ skating home from my f_ckeeng baby mamas place!!!!"

Photo: RadekMurta69 / Twitter.
While life has certainly changed for the better for the jackpot's finder, many don't feel he's entitled to it. Already the hashtag #MurtaGiveItBack has been trending, or becoming popular. Others are voicing their frustration in different ways.

"I took the time to click the 'follow' button on a Twitter account of some guy I don't even know," says Donna Forbyn of Baltar Street, who goes by the Twitter handle @BaltarBeyotch4U, "and some douche on a skateboard just stumbles across the money? Just gets it for doing nothing? It's not fair."

She looks to her attorney who raises his eyebrows slightly and gives an almost imperceptible nod, encouraging her to continue as she speaks to the reporters at a hastily-assembled press conference. "It's not fair...and, uh, also it's racist!"

Thursday, May 29, 2014

News in Brief - May 29, 2014

Shopper Generously Leaves Behind “Cool, Rare” Album at Goodwill For Others To Find
A Canoga Park resident came across something of a rarity at Goodwill on Owensmouth: an original 1953 10” LP of Songs By Tom Lehrer. “Yeah, I just read a big article about him on Buzzfeed, and it says he only had like 400 of these pressed," says Goodwill regular Brian Rauschebart, 28. "It’s incredibly rare. Unless it’s a later edition, I don’t know. Anyway, yeah, it's pretty cool. Someone should totally pick it up.” Rauschebart said he then placed the album - which he found in the middle of the stack of records - at the front of the stack, and then stood discreetly nearby hoping to strike up a conversation with “one of those record collectors you always see in thrift stores.” But when no one came by after twenty minutes he left to go home and comb out his beard. As to why he didn’t purchase it himself: “I don’t have a turntable. I just go through the records for old Herb Alpert albums. I’m trying to cover my entire living room wall in Whipped Cream & Other Delights.”

* * * * *

Man Arrested For Selling Counterfeit Sand
A Bassett Street man was arrested Tuesday for selling small vials of sand fraudulently labeled as containing sand from the Canoga Park Sand Mound. Freddy Lacoff, 38, was taken into custody after selling an undercover policeman a small glass bottle of “Miracle Health Sand from The Life-Giving Dunes of the Canoga Park Sand Mound” in the parking lot of Whole Foods in Woodland Hills. While the Canoga Park Sand Mound is a municipally protected landmark and it is illegal to take from the curbside pile, tests proved that the vials in fact contained a mixture of playground sand from Lanark Park, michelada mix and grape-flavored Lik-M-Aid Fun Dip powder.

* * * * *

Computer Error Results in Bicoastal Billboard Mixup
Emails with mixed up file attachments sent from the graphic arts department of Amalgamated Outdoor Media to installers on opposite coasts resulted in confusion for drivers both local and thousands of miles away. The large billboard located at the northwest corner of Desoto Avenue and Sherman Way recently heralded the grand opening of a high-end Clarks shoe store while across the country, along I-95 in Greenwich, Connecticut an identical sized
board sported an advertisement for discount clothing
retailer Fallas Paredes.

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

‘Walk of Hearts’ Rejects Application for Former CP Resident

by Burton Cantara, Quilt staff


Walk of Hearts, an organization honoring local teachers for “their dedication and impact they have on a student’s life,” has rejected an application submitted by Steve Zehmisch, 59, of Elkwood Street, nominating a former resident of Canoga Park.
Steve Zehmisch's senior portrait from
Headwaters '73, the CPHS yearbook. 

“It was the long, hot summer of 1972,” begins the essay portion of Zehmisch’s application. “Pushing a heavy mower all day over neighbors’ lawns for extra pocket money had transformed my lean, lanky frame into something that some might have described as ‘strapping.’ My full, virile, Jon-Voight-in-Deliverance sideburns evidently helped to further obfuscate the immaturity, the callow youthfulness of this soon-to-be Canoga Park High senior.

Zehmisch, now a dispatcher with Peppy Plumbers on Saticoy, said he was inspired to submit an application after cleaning out the attic of his house following the recent breakup of his marriage and coming across old mementos of that summer forty-two years ago.

“Mrs. Knudsen, a young divorcée - rare in those days - had moved into the neighborhood just before Christmas the previous year. All the housewives on the block were outwardly polite to her, but gossiped about the tall, sophisticated redhead mercilessly behind her back. I have a feeling she knew and couldn’t care less.”

“I have a couple kids of my own now,” Zehmisch tells the Quilt. “My boy’s a sergeant in the Air Force, and my daughter works at some computer company in the Bay Area as the CFO or something. Spends too much time at that job, if you ask me. I tell her ‘What’s more important, your job or your marriage? You’re not careful, your husband’s going to leave you.’ She doesn’t listen. My son, though, he’s doing great! Career Air Force man. I always told him, ‘The ladies love an Air Force man.’”

“Each week as I mowed her backyard, she’d watch me from the patio, taking slow, deliberate drags off an Eve cigarette, occasionally tapping the ash into a green 7-Up ashtray that clipped onto the arm of her nylon-webbed aluminum lawn chair. She’d duck inside just as I was finishing up, only to reappear moments later in a tiny white two-piece bathing suit and carrying a tray with a pitcher of lemonade and two Dixie riddle cups. That was the summer that Mrs. Knudsen taught me how to love - taught me what it means to be a man.” 

The application is unique in that its essay section goes on for more than three dozen pages, citing very specific instances of supposed “teaching” and many, many more thousands of words than the application’s recommended 150 limit. Despite Zehmisch’s thoroughness in completing the application, research turns up no evidence whatsoever that Knudsen was ever employed by area schools in any capacity. She is therefore automatically ineligible for recognition by the local organization.

Zehmisch's application was not well-received. Undaunted, he says he thinks
that he may "go the e-book route instead." Photo courtesy Steve Zehmisch. 
“No, no, no. This is absolutely not something we’d feature on Walk of Hearts. No, no, no, no, no. I can’t even begin to tell you how inappropriate this is. And the woman nominated was not even a teacher, thank God,” exclaims Walk of Hearts spokesperson Elaine Conklin, “Thank God for that.”

Julie Knudsen, now estimated to be in her mid seventies, moved out of the otherwise tight-knit neighborhood “sometime in the early 1980s,” according to former neighbor Dot Ehrmann, and was unable to be reached for comment. 

“Joan next door told me she and Bob saw her about twenty years ago in some casino up in Reno,” Ehrmann says. “She was a cocktail waitress. Hmph! You know what that means!”

Monday, May 26, 2014

A Good Time Had By All At The 2014 Canoga Park Memorial Day Parade!

On with the photos!

A scene right out of Despicable Me: The first lost balloon of the day was
a "minion," signaling the Official Start of the 2014 Canoga Park Memorial
Day Parade. Tune up your sousaphones and let the marching commence!

Wings Over Wendy's - a familiar presence at Wendy's Platt Village location.
Grand Marshall Raul Mendiola of the LA Galaxy

Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti. Not shown: DWP Union Leader and puppeteer
 Brian Darcy working the Mayor from below in a hidden compartment in the back seat.

The Canoga Park Elks, which incidentally have one of the best reception
halls and banquet facilities available to rent in the entire West Valley.
A funny, friendly clown from Circus Vargas that children
are sure to remember long, long after the parade is over.

Korean War vet and Canoga Park resident Bobby Gonzales.

Sadly, Ronald didn't wear his much ballyhooed new outfit to the parade. 
Disney's Herbie The Love Bug is always a crowd favorite.

Three cheers! The Canoga Park Friendly Neighborhood Council makes the scene. 
There goes the parade.  See you next year!

Sunday, May 25, 2014

CPFNC to Parade Spectators: No Need To Go On The Sidewalk This Year

By Michale Hemmingway, Quilt Staff


When the parade comes to town tomorrow, one thing you won’t see is Canoga Parkians squatting curbside and relieving themselves along Sherman Way, for fear that they’ll miss a single float, balloon, marching band, or, perhaps ironically, the world famous Chatsworth Pooping Stallions. 

“This year we decided to do things differently,” says Murla Havemeyer, head of Parade Organizement for the Canoga Park Friendly Neighborhood Council. “Especially considering what’s happened in the past. Hoo boy...!” 

No, "Dr. Who" hasn't zapped into Canoga Park - it's actually a
convenient curbside commode for spectator use. Staff photo.
This year, portable toilets, or port-a-lets, have been dispersed along the parade route at various intervals. Inside each of the units, users will find basic toilet amenities such as a urinal “trough” as well as a sturdy seat set over a large, hollow, reservoir-like collection chamber. Each of the handsome aqua-colored pylons will be stocked with a reasonable supply of practical one-ply toilet paper, available within handy reach, for those who use it. Some of the convenient mobile facilities may even contain a single agitated and confused bee banging at the vent panels or at the translucent ceiling, although as of press time, specific locations were not available. 

Havemeyer reports that use of the facilities is free to both Canoga Park residents and their guests, on a first-come, first-served basis.  “Even unchaperoned visitors to our area are welcome to use the port-a-lets without charge,” she notes.

Staff photos. 
While the small enclosures do not offer the often cavernous, echo-y acoustics of a traditional large tiled public restroom, those who enjoy chatting on their smartphones while defecating may find the snug, cozy accomodations create a unique sound environment all its own.

Friday, May 23, 2014

Theater Group Announces Summer Schedule

Photo courtesy Theatricum Vacantloticum
Herb Vigran’s Theatricum Vacantloticum kicks off its summer season in grand style with a performance of the provocative drama centering on desperate salesmen frantically trying to unload housing in Canoga Park, the explosive Glengarry Glen Roscoe, opening on Saturday, June 7, at 8 p.m., and the return of the company’s signature rendering of The Two Gentlemen of Reseda, with performances beginning Sunday, June 8 at 3:30 p.m.

Herb Vigran’s Theatricum Vacantloticum 2014 Summer Series
Glengarry Glen Roscoe  - Jun 7, 14, 21
Two Gentlemen of Reseda - June 8, 15, 22; Sept. 7, 14, 21
Much Ado About Nordhoff - July 5, 12, 19
Little Dollar Shop of Horrors - July 6, 13, 20
Children of a Lesser Unified School District - Aug. 2, 9, 16
Stop the Orange Line, I Want To Get Off - Aug. 3, 10, 17
Feral CATS - Aug. 23, 30; Sept. 6
A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Vallarta - Aug. 24, 31
Theatricum Vacantloticum has been named “One of the 50 Arbitrary Places in Los Angeles on a List We Came Up With” by Hep magazine; “One of Southern California's most bemusing theater experiences” by Dusk magazine; and “Best Theater In The Weeds” by the Winnetka Weekly. Says Northridge magazine, “The acoustics of Theatricum Vacantloticum - an unused lot surrounded on three sides by apartment buildings - rival that of the Hollywood Bowl, except when it’s particularly hot out and that guy in #17 on the second floor of the building to the left has his door open and is blasting Sábado Gigante.”
Herb Vigran’s Theatricum Vacantloticum is located at 7325 Milwood Ave., in Canoga Park’s theater district. Tickets are available online or at the Olan Soule Box Office. Audience members are advised to dress casually (warmly for evenings) and bring blankets for seating and fire ant repellant for repelling of fire ants. Theatricumgoers are welcome to enjoy their own food & forty ounces or refreshments are available for purchase at the Vito Scotti Pushcart. 

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Lights, Camera, Action! The Magic of Hollywood Comes to Canoga Park

by Charlotte Rudnick, Quilt staff


The creative forces of Hollywood, California, the third most popular movie-making capital of the world - after only North Carolina and Canada - made a rare visit to the West Valley today, specifically to the streets of Valerio, Deering and Eton in the residustrial Valeerington section of Canoga Park, to “shoot” portions of a television program in and around the nearby homes, muffler shops and pipeyards. 

According to industry sources, the results will be edited and, later, broadcast over television.

Yet Valerio Street, already befettered with steel plates, traffic cones and parking restrictions due to ongoing work on the Canoga Park Dial-Up Access Initiative (See the Quilt, 4/11/14 edition - ed.) was no more the worse for wear with the addition of a few extra detour signs and temporary No Parking placards. Indeed, those working on the production made sure to erect “All Businesses Open” signs so potential customers heading to one of the area’s many local sandblasteries to have their blue jeans artificially weathered were in luck - all were open as usual. 

And what of the production itself?

“They’re taping Wilfred today,” says Golden Time Security traffic coordinator Nick “Junior” Szalay in between chatting with a production assistant, or p.a., via walkie-talkie. “And I’m going to need you to stay behind these cones here, ma’am. ...No, just a couple pedestrians. We’ll be okay in about twenty seconds. There’s a UPS truck coming that’s going to make some noise, but after it passes, you’re good to go, over.”

Setting up for Wilfred's "on-location" filming. Photo: Parker Glassport for the Quilt.
A half-block up the street, a crew of about a dozen ready the “scene” as a handful of actors mill about in the alley. While some of the cast look vaguely familiar, the genial, mustachioed septuagenarian, star of Cocoon, The Firm and Mutant Species is nowhere to be seen.

Who? No, ma’am - Wilfred. Wilfred. It’s on FX...?  Show with the guy in the dog suit? Stars Elijah Wood. Really, I’ve got to keep an eye on traffic here, I can’t keep answering quest--  Hey I just told you - you have to stay behind these cones, lady. They’re here for a reason.”

Our interview is interrupted by the frantic honking of a car horn followed by the squealing of tires - and as though by magic, the movement up the street immediately stops as all heads turn southward. A second later, the security guard’s walkie-talkie crackles to life with an angry voice demanding to know what is going on.

A detour sign conveniently leads a curious public away from road
work and towards the filming location.  Photo: Parker Glassport.
“Some asshole snapping pictures with his phone backed into the street without looking and a car nearly hit him. ...Yes, I know how Randall gets. I’m getting rid of them right now, over... You two need to keep moving. This is a closed set, we have all the permits, and you see that cop up there on the motorcycle? I say the word and he’s down here ticketing both of you for interfering with--”

Perhaps the beloved actor and reported cockfight enthusiast could be found elsewhere: The production takes over roughly two blocks of the neighborhood, and, in the parking lot of a collision-repair shop along Valerio, a row of canopies has been erected with long tables and chairs set up underneath. His role as a public advocate for diabetes awareness being well-known, it seems plausible that the 8-time Waltons guest star might be here, maybe snacking on a delicious Milky Way or chewy 5th Avenue candy bar to elevate his blood sugar before his next big scene, or depending on his numbers, slurping down some wholesome and bland Quaker oatmeal to lower it.

Ladders, brooms and chairs are among the items needed to make a TV show.  The red
box at the right is a mystery, but may contain life-giving insulin. Photo: P. Glassport.
“Oh, we’re not ready to serve lunch for another hour yet, but there’s the craft service table over there with all kinds of snacks and bottled water,” says Eileen Grange, server with It’s A Wonderful Lunch Production Catering. “ are with the show, right? Um...if you’ really need to go. What are your names? Look, I can call over to Junior and he has a list. If you’re not supposed to be here, you’re going to get in trouble. One time they arrested these--”

Back on the sidewalk, local residents offer conflicting accounts of the whereabouts of the 79-year old star of such coloned titles as Cocoon: The Return, Where the Red Fern Grows: Part Two and Ewoks: Battle for Endor.

“Yeah I know Wilfredo,” says a man on a bicycle who stops briefly to chat, “He lives one block that way, mein. It’s the second building after the corner, last apartment on the left. Upstairs. He’ll hook you up, mein, whatever you need.”

A young woman taking her daughter for a walk disagrees. 

“I don’t think it’s 'Wilford,' no. It's 'Clifford,'" Melia Strobl of Variel Avenue tells the Quilt, "They’re doing Clifford the Big Red Dog, I think. I saw a man in the dog suit, but it was gray. I think they change it to red using the computer, after [filming]." Nodding to her two-year old staring up curiously from her stroller, she continues, “Elizabeth, she watches it on PBS Kids. Not Wilford. It’s called Clifford. It's about this dog. This big, red dog.”

Two unidentified characters from The Wilford Show look "off-camera," likely towards
the show's star who is probably riding a horse while checking his blood sugar.  Photo: FX
Even if the co-star of such TV movies as Murder In Space and Rodeo Girl managed to elude our cameras, fans of the erstwhile Gus Witherspoon (Our House, NBC 1986-88) can be sure that the Wilfred cameras were rolling right here in Canoga Park today. Like many Quilt readers, we’ll be tuning in to see our beloved friend on the small screen again when he returns in all his gruff but lovable glory on June 25th on FXX. It's the right thing to do.

Correction: Eating Quaker Oatmeal has been shown to lower cholesterol, not blood sugar. We regret the error.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

'A Taste of Canoga Park' Extended Through June 5

by Nita Keswick, Quilt staff


If you’re one of the many Canoga Parkians with a hankerin’ hunger that can only be satisfied by a bag filled with crunchy wagon wheels tied to the handle of a homemade pushcart, good news: Due to its immense popularity, “A Taste of Canoga Park” is being held over again

The outdoor celebration of food, fun and incessantly honking vehicles has been extended and will continue to take place each regular weekday, on the west side of Vassar Avenue between Cohasset and Valerio in the tight knit Vasshassalerio neighborhood. The crowd-pleasing event, which coincidentally begins when the school day ends, is scheduled to run through June 5th just outside the gates of Canoga Park Elementary School.

Photo courtesy A Taste of Canoga Park, LLC
“And by ‘just outside the gates, we mean just outside the gates,’” laughs Judy Maxwell, first grade teacher at the school where 91% of the students qualify for free or reduced lunches. “The school yard’s here, there’s the chain link fence surrounding the school yard, and then right on the other side of the fence, that’s where you’ll find the carts, riiight there on the sidewalk.”

Friendly food vendors, who often number a half-dozen or more (“With more planned!” smiles Maxwell), offer everything from fun ice cream novelties to ice-cold soda pop to über-trendy roasted-corn-cob-on-a-stick or kukurika, selling their wares to eager young "foodies" directly outside the grade school - itself a participant of LAUSD’s “Breakfast in the Classroom," the groundbreaking program helping proud but impoverished parents who are unable to afford or simply can’t be bothered to feed their children breakfast at home.

“Oh, this is great for the kids - they love it,” says Evie Speriglio, surveying the carnival-like scene from the driver’s seat of her 2014 Chevy Suburban while cradling a 20-ounce bottle of Mountain Dew between her thighs and alternating between licks of a Drumstick ice cream cone and handfuls of Funyuns. “But where the hell is that kid?” she wonders aloud, scanning the bustling crowd for her daughter Mary. “I need to get home. Steve Harvey’s on in fifteen minutes!”

While it’s especially popular with students leaving school after a busy day, “A Taste of Canoga Park” is open to all.  Free parking is available curbside along Vassar Avenue, Valerio Street and Cohasset Street, as well as in front of private driveways, across private driveways, and in private driveways. On particularly crowded days, “Taste” visitors can find overflow parking right on the street itself by leaving their emergency flashers on, leaving their blinker on, or most conveniently, just by leaving their car completely unattended. 

And when it’s all over June fifth? Don’t worry, “A Taste of Canoga Park” is scheduled to return to the area in August, coinciding with the start of the 2014-15 school year.

Deserted on weekends, the Canoga Park Elementary-adjacent sidewalk site of "A Taste of Canoga
Park" is bustling with food, friends and fun during weekday afternoons. Photo: Judy Maxwell.
Nearly finished with her ice cream cone, Evie finally spots seven year-old Mary, who herself had been peering down the long queue of enormous, late model SUVs that line the street each day during “Taste,” searching for the one her Mom drives. 

“Mary! Go get your teacher!” mother barks as daughter approaches, before explaining to the Quilt, “I got another one coming here next fall and I need to find out how to sign him up for free lunch, too.”

“Can I get some money for cotton candy?” asks Mary, glancing hopefully at the man working his way through the crowded sidewalk carrying a “tree” loaded with bags of pink and blue spun sugar floss, ready to be plucked for those with a sweet tooth and extra pocket money to spend.

“Yes, but find your damn teacher first and bring her here!  I’m not getting out of the car again - this asshole’s trying to take my space.”

“I’m just trying to get in my driveway,” the driver of a beat-up old sedan explains. “I live here and I’d like to go home.”

A Taste of Canoga Park is held Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday beginning at 2:24 p.m. and on Tuesdays beginning at 1:24 p.m. The event lasts for as long as there are customers.  To sign up for free or reduced school meals, you can apply at

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

News In Brief - May 14, 2014

CPFNC Rejects Secession Proposal from Box City
The Canoga Park Friendly Neighborhood Council voted 18-2, with 3 members abstaining, against ratifying local business leader Box City’s proposal to secede from Canoga Park and become its own municipality, to be known as “Box City.” Known for its wide selection of cardboard boxes, packing, shipping and moving supplies as well as its friendly, helpful employees, Box City is located on Topanga Canyon Boulevard at Hart Street, in the bustling Harpanga business district. Rumors of a push for secession had been brewing for years since the retailer already prints its own newspaper, The Box City Buzz, featuring extremely localized coverage.

* * * * *

Dry, Windy Weather Good For Nose Picking
The Santa Ana winds buffeting Canoga Park and the extreme heat the West Valley is currently experiencing are ideal conditions for those who enjoy picking their noses, says Dr. Morris Detzer, chief rhinologist in the Department of Otolaryngology at Pierce College Winnetka. “The heat, the wind - this is the perfect storm as far as picking your nose is concerned. You’re going to find dry conditions up there, but your efforts will be surprisingly productive.” Best times for nose-picking will be in the morning upon waking up and when you’re driving and you don’t think anyone is looking at you, he says.

* * * * *

Sherman Way at Canoga Avenue Officially Named “Canoga Park Clusterfuck”
Though it’s been a while in coming, the dream of a group of civic-minded Canoga Parkians became a reality today when an approximately four block-long section of Sherman Way was officially recognized as “The Canoga Park Clusterfuck,” following a spirited petition campaign begun shortly after the Orange Line Extension opened in 2012. The newly-christened area - which begins at Sherman Way just before Milwood and extends west beyond Remmet - encompasses countless traffic signals, MTA red light cameras, a vaguely marked, mid-block, button-activated pedestrian crosswalk, and, most significantly, a north/south crossing of the Orange Line Extension, all which contribute to slowing traffic to a crawl on Sherman Way, Canoga Avenue, and any number of nearby feeder streets. The event was to be marked by a small ceremony, however members of the Canoga Park Friendly Neighborhood Council were unable to reach the intersection due to severe traffic congestion.

* * * * *

Staff photo.
Image of Virgin Mary Seen In Local Pile Of Sand
The faithful and the curious alike flocked to the corner of Vassar and Valerio in Canoga Park’s tight knit Vassalerio neighborhood from as far away as Roscoe Boulevard to witness what many say was a miracle: the face of the Blessed Mother appearing in the famous Canoga Park Sand Mound this morning. While a number of those who made the pilgrimage to the site insist they were in the presence of Divine Majesty, there were others who were unable to see any resemblance to the Virgin Mary at all. “I fink it wooks wike Snuffleupagus,” mentioned one young visitor who then clambered over the sand pile, replacing the image with the imprint of the bottom of his Pro-Ked sneaker as he dashed across the street to school. Most were devastated by the obliteration of the original image, but others found solace in the fact that if they looked at it just right, the new impression looked like Jesus twerking.