DATELINE: FANCY-SCHMANCY WEST HILLS
By Brennan Callicot, special to the Quilt.
|The ballot box — not a book return kiosk! — in happier days. Staff photo.|
After tallying the contents of the box, he offered the following data:
Klara and the Sun, Kazuo Ishiguro: 21
Of Women and Salt, Gabriela Garcia: 18
The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Eric Carle / The Four Winds, Kristin Hannah (tied): 16
Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Hard Luck, Jeff Kinney: 14
The Hunger Games: Mockingjay, Suzanne Collins: 13
Empty Carl’s Jr. soft drink cup, large: 10
Feces, dog: 9
Crying In H Mart, Michelle Zuaner: 8
Feces, human: 7
Jury Duty Summons, reply-by-mail form: 4
Recall Newsom: 3
Don’t Recall Newsom: 3
Of Women and Salt, trade paperback: 2
Some, including library employees, were not pleased by the results.
“Everyone on staff here told [representatives from the Secretary of State] that if they put that goddamn ballot drop-box here, right outside a fucking library, people would presume it’s a fucking book return kiosk no matter how the fuck it’s labeled — and they’d jam books in there, not ballots,” said Larry Symanski, Platt Library’s assistant to the regional librarian. “That’s the problem with these idiots — they don’t know how to fucking read!
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m supposed to host a mid-afternoon Snack & Nap reading of Pat the Fucking Bunny to our Readin’ Rugrats pre-school group.”