Saturday, November 2, 2019

LA Fitness Chatsworth Location Really, Really, REALLY Closing for Renovation This Time, Seriously

By Blythe Moorcraft, Quilt staff

DATELINE: DE SOTO AVENUE

LA Fitness’ Chatsworth location is really closing for renovations this time, seriously, says corporate spokestrainer Shepherd Wolfe.  “Listen, we’re seriously closing on Sunday, I swear. We’re not kidding this time. If you think we’re kidding, well, we’re not. I promise," insists Wolfe. "‘Cause after Sunday, you’ll have to go work out somewhere else until June nineteenth of next year, when we’ll reopen.”

Industry experts predict that given LA Fitness’s track record for keeping to a renovation timetable, the updated gym — if it actually does close on Sunday — should be back open for business sometime in August of 2037.

The Chatsworth fitness center, popular with cranky retirees, reprobates, people with poor hygiene who don't wipe down machines, and the socially awkward — at least according to Yelp Reviews — previously threatened to close for renovations in 2018, 2016, 2015, 2013, 2012, and 2009. Each time, mitigating circumstances prevented much ballyhooed planned upgrades from moving forward at the last minute, much to the chagrin of members who joined the gym in 2009, 2012, 2013, 2015, 2016 and 2018 specifically on the promise of impending upgrades.

“No, this time, we’re serious. Really,” notes on-site facility manager Susan Elliott.  “Frankly, at this point, we have no choice. Members have been looting the weight room of all the Iron Grip 25-, 35-, and 45-pound plates for the past month and a half. There’s practically nothing left in there."

Related -  Editorial: Maybe if LA Fitness Actually Enforced Their Fucking Rule About No Fucking Gym Bags In Workout Areas, Thieving Douchebags Wouldn’t Be Stealing All Their Fucking Equipment

27 comments:

  1. Thank you for taking the time to publish this information very useful! perdita di acqua dal pavimento

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kevin, you fat fuck, how dare you spam this site with your comments, especially since you've never once wobbled into a gym yourself. You post here again and I'm going to kick your roly-poly ass up and down Topanga Canyon Boulevard. And I can do it, too — I've been working out!

      Delete
  2. This is the place where "everything hits real." The rules set out by the ACSM empower wellbeing experts to work with customers to survey and gauge their reaction to practice and endorse suitable exercise programs. A customer's advancement would then be able to be observed and changed where vital to get the ideal fitness objectives. reiki master near me

    ReplyDelete
  3. Great post, thank you so much for sharing. Do you happen to have an RSS feed I can subscribe to? 출장안마

    ReplyDelete
  4. Me and my buddy were arguing about an issue similar to that! These days I be aware that I was best. lol! Thanks for the information you post. kids silk sleepwear

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thankyou for helping out, fantastic info . obniv streaming

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yeah bookmaking this wasn’t a bad determination great post! . agen judi online

    ReplyDelete
  7. It’s difficult to find knowledgeable people within this topic, but you be understood as you know what you are dealing with! Thanks agen judi online

    ReplyDelete
  8. That is a decent inquiry. One could most likely ask what's really going on with this idea - can we not just utilize the expressions "Fitness" or "Actual Fitness" all things being equal?" Why Health "Related"? liposuction

    ReplyDelete
  9. Interesting read , I’m going to spend more time researching this subject 가입시 꽁머니 사이트

    ReplyDelete
  10. you will have a great blog here! would you like to make some invite posts on my weblog? 가입시 꽁머니 사이트

    ReplyDelete
  11. The the next time I just read a blog, I hope so it doesnt disappoint me around this place. After all, It was my option to read, but When i thought youd have something fascinating to mention. All I hear is often a few whining about something that you could fix should you werent too busy looking for attention. 가입시 꽁머니 사이트

    ReplyDelete
  12. There couple of intriguing points soon enough in this article but I do not know if I see every one of them center to heart. There exists some validity but I will take hold opinion until I investigate it further. Good write-up , thanks therefore we want far more! Included in FeedBurner likewise steroids online

    ReplyDelete
  13. You got a very fantastic website, Glad I observed it through yahoo. buy injectable steroids online with credit card

    ReplyDelete
  14. Took me time to read all the comments, but I really enjoyed the article. It proved to be Very helpful to me and I am sure to all the commenters here! It’s always nice when you can not only be informed, but also entertained! https://thesaffronbistro.com

    ReplyDelete
  15. I am very much pleased with the contents you have mentioned. I wanted to thank you for this great article. Rocky Tiger Jacket

    ReplyDelete
  16. Ha ha… I was just surfing around and took a glimpse at these comments. I can’t believe that there’s still this much interest. Thanks for posting about this. buy backlinks cheap

    ReplyDelete
  17. You ought to experience a contest for just one of the most effective blogs on the net. I am going to suggest this blog! casino backlinks service

    ReplyDelete
  18. I simply learned all about your internet site the other day and i also are already studying this frequently. You use a ton of practical information on the site and that i benefit from the particular style of the web page additionally. Keep up the good work! mega888

    ReplyDelete
  19. You’re the best, are you looking for real estate in Sanford, FL? Learn where the deals are, get short sale lists and find homes for sale in Winter Springs. mega888

    ReplyDelete
  20. So, functional fitness training boasts numerous physiological benefits, but there is more to it than this... fitness coach

    ReplyDelete
  21. The best anticipation systems effectively connect with the networks they are planned to serve.managing burnout

    ReplyDelete
  22. There exists no solid aide for Health and Fitness Professionals to gauge "Actual Fitness", in light of the fact that the term has been so freely and conflictingly characterized. It is subsequently that one ought to think about the idea of Health Related Fitness. https://www.mothering.com/threads/forcing-vaccines-by-law-in-the-us.1611189/page-3

    ReplyDelete
  23. If you are looking for more information about flat rate locksmith Las Vegas check that right away. custom embroidered patches

    ReplyDelete
  24. I’ve just been talking to Sean Gallagher about his upcoming Instant Income Cash Machine course, and he’s been kind enough to fill me in on a few details regarding his upcoming course. Swimming Help Lose Belly Fat

    ReplyDelete
  25. Your Physical Fitness Program Must Be... Practical The more the fitness item is subject to machines, gadgets and different intricacies... the more straightforward it is to annihilate. bootcamp classes long island

    ReplyDelete
  26. One's body should get sufficient rest to compensate for all the every day fatigue and appropriate tissue fixing and building. Reiki kabbalah center - reiki healing Dayton Ohio - Click Here

    ReplyDelete