Monday, May 27, 2019

Barebones, Perfunctory Coverage of 30th Annual Canoga Park Memorial Day Parade!

By Quilt Staff

DATELINE: CELEBRATING THE REMEMBRANCE OF THOSE WE MEMORIALIZE

It was the event three decades in the making.  Well, if you go by parades and and not armed conflicts represented (in which case we should start counting from our entrance into World War II). But then since this is Memorial Day, perhaps it might be better if we started counting from the first celebration of such (1868) making this an event over a century and a half in the making. 

But what of those we lost during the American Revolution? Should we really forget them on Memorial Day?  

...It was the event 244 years in the making. And the weather couldn't have been more temperate, mild and/or agreeable.  Thank God, right? The last six years of this, we've all been roasting out there. And Canoga Park crowds are not known for their delicate bouquet — especially in hot weather! When was the last time those armpits of yours saw a bar of Zote or a stick of deodorant? Or a stick of Winterfresh gum for that matter? Awright then.

And so the 30th Annual Canoga Park Memorial Day Parade made its way down Sherman Way this morning as thousands of people lined the streets.

Thankfully, these homeless folks were temporarily relocated, the sidewalks quickly steam-cleaned, and legitimate parade-watchers quickly took their place.

But enough of all this folderol! You came here for the pictures! For the pictures taken with a piece-of-crap phone because our photographer forgot to charge the battery pack for his — ooh-la-la! — expensive, professional camera last night!

On with the show!  Oh, and be sure to check us out on the, whaddayacall, Facebook, for more, better coverage!


A World War II veteran!


A veteran of the Korean War — or "military conflict" if you're Hollywood peacenik Alan Alda!


A Vietnam vet!


A veteran from the Cold War era!


Veterans from Operation Iraqi Freedom and another such Operation!
Forgive us, but our stupid research department can't figure out what OED stands for.
Rest assured they've been courtmartialed and have lost breakroom privileges.


Here we've got some Desert Strike / Desert Storm vets!


And last but not least, the gents from Wings Over Wendys!
Thank you, one and all, for your service!

Also, thanks to those who followed along behind the vaqueros and cleaned up all the horse shit along Sherman Way. You folks really are the unsung heroes of the day!

Happy Memorial Day!

Thursday, January 17, 2019

Canoga Park Resident Hopes For Quick End To Teachers’ Strike

By Blythe Moorcraft, Quilt staff

DATELINE: VASSAR AVENUE
Staff photo.
Canoga Park resident TeĆ³dor Ted Pasternak has a message for the LAUSD Board of Education: “Give these teachers what they want!”

Pasternak — an assembler at a local pool filter manufacturer who has no children of his own but if he did, they’d go to private schools — may seem like an unlikely ally for Los Angeles school teachers who have been on strike since Monday, demanding reductions in pay, a 6.5 percent increase in standardized testing, more class sizes and smaller nurses. 
Pasternak. File photo.

But he’s thrown his support firmly behind the picketing educators, or pickucators, hoping for a quick end to what has become a contentious strike.

“I live across the street from Canoga Park Elementary,” explains Pasternak. “I’ve been home the last few days, sick with a cold, trying to get some goddamn rest.

“And every morning, those assholes are out there with a bullhorn chanting God-knows-what, I can’t even make it out. At seven-fucking-thirty in the morning!

“Christ almighty, give them whatever the fuck they want so I can get some goddamn sleep!