Saturday, October 17, 2015

Local Nightclub's Autumn Season Debuts With 'F.U.C.K. the Neighborhood' Event

By Ingomar Schoenborn, Quilt staff


The Canoga Park First Wednesday of the Month Women's Club is throwing open its doors tonight to host its first "Fellowship Unifies Community and Kompliments the Neighborhood" event of the fall season.
A flyer for Saturday's event.   Image: FreeNightclub- (complimentary virus w/download)

While attendance inside the clubhouse is limited to those specifically invited, enormously high-powered speakers designed for a much larger venue will be pumping out the Club's signature event music (traditionally featuring thumping, window-rattling bass) across the neighborhood into the homes of everyone in a two-block radius. Those hoping to hear the festivities need not be in attendance nor, in fact, anywhere near the nightclub to experience them.

When reached for comment, club President in Charge of Neighborhood Cacophony Doreen Farber noted "Dennis Zine gave us an award once" before hanging up.

Once the event itself is over, those nearby will enjoy the Official "F.U.C.K. the Neighborhood" after-party, or "cleanup," which usually runs from midnight to about three a.m. in the club's parking lot and frequently involves a remarkably high number of garbage bags full of clanking beer bottles being dragged to and fro, then fro and to, and then to and fro again, elementary school aged-children running and screaming in the parking lot, a heated argument involving someone calling someone else a "ho" and either or both parties being "disrespected," and at least one vehicle idling for an extended period while its stereo plays music similar to and at levels near or exceeding that which was enjoyed at the party.

The popular hotspot will be hosting a series of similar events until the holiday / winter season begins in December, which is scheduled to feature more of the same but with occasional jingle bells accompanying the nightclub's familiar concrete-foundation-crumbling beat.

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