Saturday, December 24, 2022

Trendy Pop-Up Chop Shop Opens For Last-Minute Bicycle Shoppers In Canoga Park's Old Town Area

By Nita Keswick, Quilt staff


Last minute-shoppers in Canoga Park are in luck as the Christmas shopping season has dwindled from weeks and days to mere hours.

A trendy pop-up chop shop has opened on Valerio Street near Remmet Avenue, in Canoga Park’s bustling Remmalerio district, catering to those whose preferred method of transportation, even in this joyful holiday season, runs more toward bicycle rather than sleigh.

Chop Locally: Buy your new bike, or, in many cases,
your old bike at this handy pop-up shop. Staff photo.

“We’ve got all kinds of bikes; whatever you need, we got, or we can cobble together a custom job for your needs or, uh, fuckin’ price-point,” says Ernie “Nalgas” Holvik, the shop’s proprietor. “Our prices can’t be beat, either. I just sold an almost brand new, $2800 aluminum frame Rockhopper for $40 cash and a fifth of Fireball. I’m keeping motherfuckin’ warm tonight.”

They take custom orders, too. “You want a specific type of bike, you let me or my boys know. Even better if you can tell us where you seen it, and whether where you seen it has one of those fuckin' Ring cameras or not,” Nalgas says, as he hands an assistant a West Hills address and a pair of bolt cutters. “We’ll grind off the serial number, switch out any distinctive, identifiable accessories, and have it ready for you within a matter of hours.

", that is to say, we'll customize it to your specifications an' shit."

The shop is open twenty-four hours, too, says Holvik, who also works part-time as a residential Amazon package reacquisition specialist. “I don’t give a shit what time it is. You want a deal on a bike, you bang on the window of my trailer if I’m not outside. If I don’t answer, break open the door and grab the naloxone injector out of my shirt pocket and for fuck’s sake restart my heart! I don’t forget shit like that. Someone did that for me last week and I threw in—for free!—a fuckin’ vintage banana seat on the bike he bought. 

"Hey, man, more than ever, you gotta do right by those that help you in this fuckin’ holiday season, ya know?”

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